


Fragile

by MorningGlory2



Series: Burn Up in Your Atmosphere [6]
Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Adult Language, Bearded Chris Evans, Bottom Sebastian Stan, M/M, Top Chris Evans, chris in a tux, i made up the friends/managers/etc, i'm sorry guys, lots and lots of angst, lots of feels, m/f sex referenced, m/m sex referenced, sebastian in a tux, so are these tags tbh, this hurt me, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 07:46:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14828270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorningGlory2/pseuds/MorningGlory2
Summary: “Who is she?”“Why does it always have to be a she?” He argued, the words out before he could stop them. Carrie raised her hands in mock surrender.“She can be a he,” she defended, before leaning closer in curiosity, “is she a he?” She whispered, wondering if this was a bar question. Chris visibly stiffened.______Also known as when Chris realizes what he's done. And has to lie in the bed he's made.





	Fragile

**Author's Note:**

> A MILLION THANKS TO TEAM DAMON FOR HER HELP AND TO ALL THE COMMENTS AND KUDOS AND BOOKMARKS!!! OMG You guys are AMAZINGGG! I'm trying to reply to all the comments, I know I owe some more, bear with me, you'll get a reply! You all have been so incredible and I'm so so glad you're enjoying this series--writing it has been so much fun (and so painful omg lol). I adore these two idiots and I PROMISE I'll fix this. While this has been set up as a series, so both Team Damon and I could post to it, we've got several chapters left to the Evanstan story. Team Damon has a fantastic piece coming your way soon! Just wait! *squealing* 
> 
> Again, the comments, kudos and bookmarks mean everything! Please keep it up!!! Makes me write faster :D I adore you all! Thank you!

Sebastian took another long drink from the glass in his hands, almost full to the brim with whiskey. It was late, way past midnight but he’d only just gotten home. And if it weren’t for the drink and the shower running, he’d be feeling the heaviness of what he’d just done. And that was what he was trying to avoid. Uselessly. 

His body didn’t even ache like he knew it to. Nothing about the experience had been anything he knew it to be. And it only made him more upset. 

The man had been attractive enough, laughed at Sebastian’s jokes, had bought his drinks. But that shouldn’t have allowed Sebastian to think that sleeping with him would have been a good idea. And yet here he was, feeling beyond dirty for not only letting the guy fuck him but for also bailing, dressing and leaving in record time. 

He’d never had to do that with Chris. Ever. He’d always stayed the night. Wrapped around Chris, in Chris’ arms.  _ Fuck. _

He had come, but more out of necessity than anything. And as soon as the mediocre release hit him, he crashed, his buzz gone and in its place an enormous amount of guilt he didn’t even need to feel. It wasn’t like Chris was feeling anything. 

He felt a wave of nausea as the man’s name crossed his mind again. For the umpteenth hundredth time that night. That day. That week. 

It had been two weeks since he’d walked out of Chris’ place. It still hurt. And now that he’d let this guy have what once was solely for Chris, it hurt worse. 

He hadn’t even realized he was crying until the tear hit his lips, startling him. He’d been holding it in so long it was almost too much to hold back now. 

Sebastian had heard the rumors. Chris was spending time with an ex, a woman, and they’d been seen laughing and talking together. Probably meant nothing, the rational part of his brain told him, but then there was a chance maybe it meant a lot. Maybe he’d pushed Chris to this, with the words he’d left him with. 

Sebastian hadn’t told anyone about Chris. About what they’d had. He didn’t know how. But that wasn’t helping him get past it. He couldn’t even share it with anyone, share the heartache he was suffering from. And it was eating him alive. 

The tears started to flow and he slumped down against the wall by the shower. The steam swirled and he couldn’t help the sobs that wrecked him. He missed him. He missed his lover, his best friend. But he was also so  _ so _ mad at him for what he’d done. He wanted to understand but there was just a degree of which he couldn’t. He wanted Chris and would do  _ anything _ to have that. Chris on the other hand...it seemed he couldn’t do that and it killed Sebastian. 

He pulled his knees up to his chest and wallowed in the pain that bloomed in his chest. There was no going back. He couldn’t. He hurt too badly this time. He couldn’t let Chris hurt him again. And not after he’d let someone else have him. There was no use in it. Chris wouldn’t want him now. 

And he wasn’t about to let Chris destroy his heart again. First time, shame on Chris. Second time? 

Shame on  _ himself _ . 

———-

Boston was home. Boston was fine. Boston was…

Absolutely suffocating him. 

For the first time in his life being home wasn’t helping Chris at all. He normally felt at peace, comforted,  _ normal _ . But right now he felt none of that. And he knew why. 

He missed him. 

He hadn’t spoken to Sebastian since the day he’d walked out. In fact he’d sat at the kitchen table until ten minutes prior to Becky’s arrival before scrambling to make the place look half organized and not like he’d been spending time with his love who’d walked out without finishing his breakfast. 

Who had walked out because Chris was beyond a fucking asshole. 

Becky had noticed his demeanor but she’d been too preoccupied with his agreements and had been there and gone in a whirlwind. Chris had then collapsed onto the bed that still smelled like them and replayed the morning over and over in his head. He knew what he should have done and still...he couldn’t have done the right thing if he’d wanted to. Having Becky see him...he wasn’t ready for anyone to know. And maybe that was the shock of it all. After everything, he  _ still _ wasn’t ready to share what he had with Sebastian. He knew Seb needed that for them to be  _ real _ . But Chris just...couldn’t get there. 

He’d left LA without another look back. Shut his house down and locked the door. 

But he left the sheets. He couldn’t bare to wash them. He’d deal with that later. 

Sitting in a local bar in his hometown, he wasn’t surprised by the presence beside him or the way she bumped his shoulder. It was Friday night and when he was home, he liked to meet some friends locally. It was nice. Except tonight he wasn’t feeling it. 

“You look like someone just kicked Dodger,” she teased, the bartender familiar enough with her to slide her a vodka tonic. Chris tipped back his beer. 

“If someone had just kicked Dodger, they’d be a lot worse off than me,” he grumbled, signalling for another beer. Carrie, a childhood best friend, laughed. 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on? You’ve been pouting since you got home and I love you, honey but you’re a real downer to hang out with right now,” she sat casually on her stool, facing him and watching him. If anyone knew him well, it was her. They’d been best friends since middle school. They’d slept together in high school but they’d decided to stay just friends—and that was all they’d been ever since. She was married with kids and he was happy for her. He wanted what she had, but not with her. With Seb. 

“I...can’t,” he mumbled, downing half his beer in one shot. Carrie raised her eyebrows. 

“Is this about whatsherface and the photos I saw in  _ People _ this week?” 

Chris  _ wished _ it was about her. He set his jaw and looked at Carrie, unamused. “Nope.” 

“Who is she?” 

“Why does it always have to be a  _ she?”  _ He argued, the words out before he could stop them. Carrie raised her hands in mock surrender. 

“She can be a he,” she defended, before leaning closer in curiosity, “is  _ she _ a  _ he _ ?” She whispered, wondering if this was a bar question. Chris visibly stiffened. 

“Carrie,” he warned and her eyes widened. 

“Spit it out, Evans. What’s his name and what happened?” She didn’t beat around the bush, didn’t have to. He finished his beer and glanced at the door. 

“Beers in your car? Like old times?” 

Carrie left her half finished vodka and Chris dropped a couple $20s on the bar. “To know this story? Absolutely!” 

Thirty minutes later they were sitting in her Volvo, parked in the same spot they used to back in school, splitting a six pack of Stella Artois. Chris had dumped the whole story on Carrie in one fell swoop and now she was reeling and trying to figure out how to help her friend. 

“So... _ Sebastian Stan _ ?” She asked again for the fifth time. Chris chuckled. 

“Yep.”

“Have you tried calling him? It sounds like you two really..had it,” she studied Chris as she spoke, trying to sort out where he and Sebastian stood. Seemed Chris didn’t really know either. 

“Nah. What’s there to say? I’m not ready to go public and I’m not ready to let my...sexuality or whatever they’re gonna call it, be known. I just want it just for us for a while. But he doesn’t see it that way. And I don’t know what to do about that.” 

“Well...I’m married, right? And marriage is about compromise. I think all relationship are. You two need to find common ground, a compromise. You acted like you’re ashamed of him, that’s how I see it. And that’s now a good thing, Chris,” Carrie sat almost sideways in the driver's seat, chewing her lip as she regarded her friend. Chris ran a hand through his hair and then down over his bearded face.

“Ashamed?” Chris cringed. 

Carrie stared at him pointedly, “You asked him to leave because your manager showed up. Friends have breakfast together. You could have asked him to get dressed, you didn’t need to send him away to avoid questions.”

Chris chewed his lip, considering that suggestion. And wondering why he didn’t think about that. “I panicked,” he admitted. “I just..I’m not ready for someone, anyone, to know about us. Except you apparently,” his smile was sad as he raised the half full beer at her. Carrie laughed. 

“I can’t believe you’ve hid it from me for  _ years _ . I might be a little mad,” she shot him a faux glare and he dropped his head with shrug. 

“You wanna hear about my times with a guy?” He asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. Carrie leaned forward with a wide smile. 

“Umm... **_hell yes_ ** _. _ There’s something really hot about two guys getting lost in each other. Scott tells us shit all the time, how come you can’t?” 

He hadn’t considered anything leaving her mouth and sat there a little stupefied. “I don’t know...because maybe…” he stuttered 

“Because you’re the movie star? Captain America? You’ve said it yourself, gender doesn’t matter. How come it applies to you?” Carrie wagered, sipping on her beer as she watched for his reaction. “And this guy...he sounds like he really likes you. You wanna lose him over fear and ego?” 

Chris grit his teeth and considered what she was saying. Why couldn’t he be himself? Why did he have to hide behind the facade he’d created? It was exhausting anyway. 

When he didn’t answer, Carrie continued. “You like Sebastian right?” Chris barely looked up as he nodded but when he did he looked a little sick. Carrie’s smile was empathetic. “Dude. You’re radiating it from here. You love him, don’t you?” 

Chris scoffed hard, hard enough to choke on the beer in his mouth and almost back up a lung as Carrie laughed with full amusement. “Oh boy,” she muttered with a quick widening of her eyes. “You are. I knew it.” 

“Nah! It’s not...I don’t -“

“Shut it Evans. We need to figure out how to fix the mess your giant stupid boy ass made.” 

Chris sat back with a huff and tried to hide the small little smile that begged to hit the surface. He did. He knew he did. He had for a long while. And now someone knew. Not only knew but encouraged it. Maybe this could be okay...maybe he could work through this. If he could just call Sebastian and tell him...maybe this could all come out good in the end. But if he’d lost his chance...well he couldn’t blame Sebastian for that. It was all his own fault. And that was the bed he’d have to lay in. 

But God he hoped he didn’t have to. 

———

The woman on his arm was attractive. Beautiful. Someone he’d pay for bringing later in the tabloids when everyone speculated just how long they’d been together. Truth was she was an old friend through the business and this wasn’t the first time she’d been on his arm for an event. But he’d been a nobody back then and now everyone would care who he was with and have a field day with it. 

It wasn’t who he really wanted to be with either. But he hadn’t heard from Chris. So what else was he supposed to do? Go to the gala alone?

Classical music filled the lobby as they walked through the crowds, greeting other guests and making polite conversation. Kate, the model on Sebastian’s arm, was wonderful at the task and she made a show of hanging off him as though she really did want to be there. She’d laughed when he’d asked, but they were friends (had been friends with benefits at one time). Friends helped each other out, she’d answered easily. “ _ You want me to wear a designer dress and hang off you? That’s the easiest job in the world. Minus the fact I’m missing The Bachelor.”  _

Sipping champagne, he saw plenty of people he recognized. The conversation was easy, about the industry and his future projects. It was nice to be among colleagues and not always surrounded by press. 

Someone caught his eye and he turned to make a wave at the director but his hand caught in the air before he could finish the motion. The man was standing with Chris in a sharp navy tuxedo. His breath caught. He was unprepared. His assistant had said he wasn’t confirmed. His heart abruptly stopped.

Sebastian watched as though life was suddenly in slow motion as Chris’ head turned and their eyes met for the first time in four weeks. 

Kate was preoccupied and the director was still talking at Chris but the world stopped around the pair. The pull was instant. 

Chris looked  _ good _ . The sea of people parted and Sebastian got a full look at the man from head to toe. A fuller beard, that fluffier hair. His eyebrows were raised the softest expression was on his handsome face. Those eyes were like  _ coming home _ for Sebastian. 

Chris couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know if Sebastian had ever looked as good as he did right now. The black tuxedo had velvet trim and was tailored to fit the man like a glove. He’d been looking for him all night, searching the room, trying not to look frantic. They had to talk. But now, seeing him, Chris was at a loss for words. Other than the three he’d been dying to say for  _ two fucking weeks _ . 

Those gray-blue eyes stayed locked on his for another moment, but then they pulled away with a scowl. A piece of Chris’ heart broke. 

Then he noticed the woman, the beautiful blonde on his arm.  _ Old habits _ , he mused, hurt. Of course he’d find a beautiful blonde woman. The polar opposite of himself. 

The director seemed to notice his distraction, saying something about the blonde model and patting him on the shoulder as if to wish him luck. Chris almost scoffed. She was the one he needed luck with. He only registered her beauty because he was jealous. 

Well, that was a first. Being jealous of a woman. 

Shaking his head a little he took a breath and began for Sebastian. The man had already turned his back to him and he picked up the pace, hoping they could just sneak away for a moment to talk. 

He touched his elbow gently but it was as though he’d burned Sebastian. Seb whipped around, eyes wide and aggressive as he glared. Chris fumbled. He’d expected a lot of things, a lot of reactions. But this anger? He had thought after four weeks it would have smoldered a little. 

Sebastian couldn’t help his cool attitude. He’d spent four weeks pining over the man who finally stood before him. He’d spent four weeks in pain. He was  _ still _ in pain. And now Chris wanted to talk? No. 

“You’re Chris Evans,” the model smiled, extending her hand. Chris painted on a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, “I’m Kate Jones.” 

“Nice to meet you,” he shook her hand politely, glancing back to Sebastian, “Seb,” he greeted, trying to find some even ground, “you look great, man.”  _ You look beautiful, sweet boy _ was what he wanted to say. 

Sebastian’s gaze stayed chilly. “Thanks.” 

Kate looked between the men before a squeal of another woman caught her attention. As the two women embraced, the men were left to stand a foot from one another, champagne glasses half empty. “Pretty date,” Chris gestured toward the flailing woman. 

“You bring one?” Sebastian asked curtly. Chris met his eyes and shook his head. 

“No,” he answered honestly. He’d considered Carrie if only for the emotional support but decided he needed to be a big boy and handle this himself. “Was hoping to see someone here.” 

“And did you?” Sebastian tried to hide the clip of hope in his voice. Chris’ gaze never wavered. 

“I did. But he’s with someone else it seems.” 

“You snooze, you lose,” Sebastian sighed, downing the rest of us champagne. His mind told him to find it in his heart to have a real conversation right now, but his heart  _ ached _ . He was still living in the shame he suffered from after having to walk almost a mile from Chris house in some sick escape drama. He wasn’t past it yet. And he wanted Chris to suffer like he was.  _ Real mature, Stan, _ he chided himself. 

Chris swallowed hard, “Listen, I really wanna talk. Can we—“ 

“Seb! Come here! You’ve  _ got _ to meet Lauralynn!” Kate’s voice rang out over the men and Chris stomach dropped. Sebastian didn’t hesitate. 

“Have a good night, Chris,” he said in the least enthusiastic voice he had, turning on his heel and walking away. 

Several things, from platonic to  _ desperate _ , ran through Chris’ mind to call after Sebastian. But not one word left his mouth. Sebastian wrapped an arm around the woman’s waist and nuzzled her neck in an utterly affectionate way that made Chris sick to his stomach. Had he really missed his shot? Sure appeared that way. 

The rest of the night was spent faking a decent time and watching Sebastian from afar. He spent the rest of the time doting on Kate, touching her and holding her hand, and Chris couldn’t understand why he was subjecting himself to this torture. He wondered if putting his heart in a meat grinder would be less painful. Watching Sebastian and Kate was utterly self-abusive, but it was like a train wreck he couldn’t pull his eyes away from. 

Sebastian could feel him staring. He knew he was watching them and it was driving him crazy. There was some sick satisfaction in the fact Chris cared enough to watch him enjoy his time with Kate, but there was another side of him that wanted to tell Chris he didn’t deserve to watch him. He want cuss him out and tell him to keep his eyes to himself. It had taken everything in Sebastian to pull himself together to get dressed up for this. He didn’t need Chris reminding him why he hadn’t wanted to. 

The more Kate drank, the handsier she got. Sebastian didn’t mind in light of Chris’ watching his every move. It almost felt freeing, maybe a little unfair and yet made them feel even. If Chris could throw him out and hurt him the way he did, Sebastian could hurt him harder. 

He caught Chris’ eyes over Kate’s shoulder as she leaned into him, seeking balance. She was whispering in his ear,  _ remember the old times? Remember all the places we had sex? We’ve never done it here _ , and the whole time Sebastian was staring at Chris. A sinister smile crossed his lips and he forced himself not to notice the way Chris’ whole face lit up as thought he was thinking  _ maybe, maybe… _

Never breaking that contact, probably a little too drunk for his own good, he took Kate by the hand and lead her toward a side room. Chris watched the whole time and finally Sebastian had to look away if he had any desire to go through with this. He knew Chris knew what was happening. The hopeful look had faded into hurt and dread quickly. 

Sebastian slammed the door to the side office shut, kissing Kate breathlessly. Behind his closed eyes, all he could see was Chris’ sad expression, those blue eyes full of hurt. Against his own mind, his cock filled with blood as she stroked it, the need to be buried inside something —since  _ someone _ couldn’t be buried inside him—outweighs the trauma currently throwing off his heart. He bent her over and fucked her until she screamed, glad for the condom he’d brought and the ability to shut his brain off at least for a little while. 

—-

The fresh air did nothing to ease the vice grip on Chris’ gut. He felt sick, his whole body hurt. Watching Sebastian just then, watching him all but drag the drunk blonde into that room, his eyes on his the whole time...he leaned against the wall to keep from crumbling to the sidewalk. The pain was real, too real. His heart  _ ached _ in a way he wasn’t sure it ever had. Blatant revenge, betrayal. Sebastian had meant for Chris to see that, had taken some sick joy in it. Maybe he didn’t know him at all…

Pulling out his phone he saw a few texts from Carrie asking about his night. He opened the thread and stared at it, his eyes watering embarrassingly. 

“ _ It’s done.”  _ Chris simply typed, knowing it would only spawn several more from her. He didn’t care. He called for his ride and headed a little further down the sidewalk. He’d find a way to get past this—to get past Sebastian. If this was how it was going to be…

The saddest part, Chris realized like a punch to the gut, was that this was all his fault. He’d caused this. 

And he couldn’t take it back. No matter how much he wanted to. He couldn’t. 

 


End file.
